Are you celebrating Christmas this year?

Are you guys celebrating Christmas this year?

That was a question that began to come our way a lot over the last few months, and our ever infuriating answers probably didn’t help. The answers we gave to inquirers may not have been satisfying ones, but they were truthful, “I don’t know”, “Maybe”, and the ever vague but slightly more spiritual sounding “We’re still praying about it” tarried much longer than we wanted them to. Finally God provided answers through searching the scriptures, studying the works of the church fathers and reformers, and the writings of many modern day theological giants, such as Sproul, Brown, and Piper. First a definition of terms, no we are not celebrating Christmas, nor any “mass” as there is no need for my Savior to die more than once for my sins. That may seem like a mincing of words, but for point of clarification the Via family is celebrating the Incarnation/Advent this year.  We are doing it like never before and it’s because we laid down our idols last year and took a year off!

 

This year we are lighting Advent candles, hanging Jesse Tree ornaments, and all of our decorations will be packed away in a few weeks in a medium sized rubber made container. The only decorations joining our Jesse ornaments on our tree are stars and angels because the Father used stars and angels to herald our Savior’s birth. We also have a few doves to properly represent the Holy Spirit’s participation in the nativity story. Every single decoration points us to the Savior in worship and is useful in training our children in the word of God.

 The truth is in our culture Christmas is not recognized as pagan, and in many countries where missionaries have spread the gospel Christmas is only known a Christian holiday. We are faced with a quandary as followers of Christ, we know that Christ was most likely conceived around Christmas time, and we could stretch the taffy to declare that since life begins at conception that Christmas is in the safety zone. However when you stretch taffy that thin it usually dries a breaks, so I wouldn’t build to much of  an opinion on that one. The Father did indeed mark the Saviors birth, with a star, with the heralding of angels, sending wise men to seek the Savior. The birth of Christ certainly wasn’t done on the fly or passed unnoticed or undocumented, scripture gives us repeated accounts of the birth of Christ, because it fulfilled numerous prophecies and because it was a joyous event! It’s is the fulfillment of the promise to made to Eve after the fall, the covenant made with Abraham that through him the whole world would be blessed, it’s certainly worth celebrating. However the date Christmas shares on our Gregorian calendars is one that was placed there in an attempt to replace pagan traditions, and some of those traditions exist even today! Does the date or pagan history make Christmas a sin?

St.Patrick used a three leaf clover to teach the pagan Irish about the trinity? St. Valentine was martyr massacred for his faith and the church attempted to replace Cupid’s celebration with a remembrance of his death. Reformation Day happens to actually coincide with Halloween. Does the date matter? Can it be redeemed and used an discipleship tool? Are we being holy by abstaining from Christmas or are we throwing out the baby with the bath water? More questions that I cannot give definitive answers to. I can only tell you our story and share our journey.

What is so different about this Advent for us? To answer that question, you need a little Via Christmas history and for me to eat a little crow. Christmas was never about Santa at our house, never once did we celebrate or perpetuate that myth to our children. However I did turn Christmas into a full month event with so much glitz and activity that nary a spare simple moment could be spared for worshipful contemplation and my husband’s blood pressure soared as we erected our decorations each year. We had an entire closet dedicated to Christmas décor, four trees (yes 4), a lawn full of lights and the accompanying electric bill, and busy busy busy! Fourteen years of Christmas gorging met up with us last fall as we read through the bible in 90 days as a family and coming to the knowledge of the pagan roots of Christmas created a perfect storm of spiritual conscience last fall. We knew it would be a sin for us to celebrate it that year, or celebrate it the way we had in the past ever again, and since it could not have been of faith we took a year off and celebrated the Old Testament holidays for a year.

If you are a believer in covenant theology like we are, you believe the first half of scripture is a profitable as the second half, for us walking through the biblical holidays last year was a great learning experience about the nature of God and His desire that our holidays serve as a remembrance of His works and a tool for training our children. This flies in the face of the way we had celebrated Christmas in the past. For me as Ray’s helpmate seeing my husband’s stress at my over-the-top Christmas revelry and not changing course was a sin on my part. So the question became an issue of could we celebrate Christmas and it not be a sin?

This is where we dove into the scripture and the writings of godly men. The reformers and many great theologians are split on the issue. Martin Luther thoroughly enjoyed Christmas and started many traditions that we still see today, like the lighted Christmas tree. Spurgeon preached against Christmas and then in a later took a more neutral stance, as did Calvin. The early church fathers didn’t really celebrate Christmas, some riled against it, though Augustine is recorded as reading an advent passage on Dec.24^th. Modern day conservative church leaders are also divided, Doug Phillips of Vision Forum abstains from Christmas, but Matt Brown of the NCFIC, John Piper, and RC. Sproul Jr. of Highlands Ministries embraces Christmas as a time to celebrate the Incarnation.  Not a lot of conclusive evidence here to help us, so we turn to the primer source for a Christian, the scriptures.

The verse you often here quoted the most against Christmas is Jeremiah 10:1-5 “Hear the word that the Lord speaks to you, O house of Israel. Thus says the Lord: “Learn not the way of the nations, nor be dismayed at the signs of the heavens because the nations are dismayed at them,
for the customs of the peoples are vanity. A tree from the forest is cut down and worked with an axe by the hands of a craftsman. They decorate it with silver and gold; they fasten it with hammer and nails so that it cannot move. Their idols are like scarecrows in a cucumber field, and they cannot speak; they have to be carried, for they cannot walk. Do not be afraid of them,
for they cannot do evil, neither is it in them to do good.”

“See, there is an indictment against Christmas if ever there was one!” many would say and yes I absolutely agree with them, you’d have to be either a bumbling idiot or blind as a bat not see the Christmas tree in the above verses. But don’t be so forgone on a conclusion that you also don’t see the last part of the passage “Do not be afraid of them, for they cannot do evil, neither is it in them to do good”, or in southern vernacular, “it aint’ nothing but a thang honey”. Idols, historically recognized or privately erected in our own hearts only possess the power we ascribe to them. As I confessed earlier I ascribed a lot of power to the idol of Christmas in years past, to the point that I sinned against my husband in order to preserve their “high place” in my life. Not only did I do this with Christmas, I did it with birthdays and other holidays, turning feasts of joy into stressful events. Through much prayer God has crumbled and destroyed the high places in my life when it comes to holidays. Not that we are giving them up, oh no, we are giving them over to be used as tools of training and days of worship!

Now before someone accuses me of turning a blind eye to the pagan elements this scripture warns against, let me ask you a few questions about another passage of scripture. “Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear”1Peter 3:3. I know some denominations that do not wear gold or allow the braiding of hair due to this passage. Now I freely admit I’m not a huge jewelry buff, as a musician bracelets and rings are a nuisance, and as the mother of eight earrings and necklaces are often occupational hazards, so what jewelry I own is often rarely worn. I have however worn wedding bands for more than 15 years with great regularity. I have even left the house on an errand and realized I left my rings by the sink, doubled back, and retrieved them. Why? Because they are a sign of a covenant promise I have made, they have spiritual significance in my culture and as a woman who believes in spiritual headship it is physical reminder that my life, my heart, and not even my body is my own. Are these few ounces of gold and stone idols? Are they a sinful violation of the above verse? I can tell you without hesitation that in full knowledge of this verse, I am fully convinced that it is not a sin.

We do long hair around here, we believe it’s the most feminine and modest, another heart issue. With five daughters and myself sporting long locks, I should have stated we do a lot of long hair around here and we often braid it. Rarely elaborate braids, most often to get it out of our faces so we can work, but are braids in violation of scripture? Here is where culture has shifted so much that what once was a sign of prostitution and decadence is now a sign of something else. In biblical times the Roman women of means would spend hours having their hair braided into elaborate designs. The prostitutes of the era also wore certain type’s jewelry and braided hair particular to their trade. So when I work my hair into a French braid without even consulting mirror as I scurry to my kitchen each morning with my wedding bands on, intending to commit my day to the work of a housewife and mother am I in violation on the intent of this verse? I don’t think so, you may disagree and that’s fine by me.

We could go on and on this trail and discuss head veils, menstrual tents, kosher dietary laws, and so forth. The reality is we are not bound to the law but we dare not disregard it, it gives us finite and ignorant human beings glimpses into the will of God and His absolute holiness. So how then do we make a decision about Advent, braids, jewelry, women wearing skirts, or any other issue? We have to do the most difficult work of all; we have to commit ourselves to the reading of the word, to prayer, and to God taking a scalpel to the darkest cravings of our hearts. I know many people hear the words “heart issue” and misinterpret it as freedom or liberty in Christ. However I let out an often audible moan when I realize something has fallen into this jurisdiction, because I know how corrupt and evil my heart is. When something must be vetted and made a confidence of faith with my heart’s assistance, I have learned that it will be a long and painful process. So I cannot tell you that it’s “okay” for you to celebrate the Advent, wear your wedding bands, eat a bacon cheeseburger, or pray with your head uncovered. I can share verses with you, pray for you, love you no matter your choice and encourage you to keep submitting all things to Christ. However that’s all I can do. There is one verse that summarizes our crazy journey this year and I’ll leave it with you, some will see it as a “get of jail free card” or cop-out on our part, and others will see it as the challenge that it truly is, as Christians nothing is secular and all must be done in confidence of faith and in subjection to Christ…

“One person esteems one day above another; another esteems every day alike. Let each be fully convinced in his own mind. He who observes the day, observes it to the Lord; and he who does not observe the day, to the Lord he does not observe it. He who eats, eats to the Lord, for he gives God thanks; and he who does not eat, to the Lord he does not eat, and gives God thanks. For none of us lives to himself, and no one dies to himself. For if we live, we live to the Lord; and if we die, we die to the Lord. Therefore, whether we live or die, we are the Lord’s” Romans 14:5-8.

Dirt or Diamond?

"An excellent wife who can find?
She is far more precious than jewels." -  Proverbs 31 :10 

Have you ever seen a ruby? Not cut and polished bobble perched on a ladies hand; I’m talking about a ruby just lying around on the ground? I didn’t think so. Rubies, diamonds, and other precious metals generally don’t pop out the ground like dandelions. It’s quite a process to get them to the surface.  The ideal condition for the formation of diamonds exists some 93 miles below the earth’s surface. When you hear about sites where you can “mine your own gems”, that’s usually the bed of an inactive volcano, which has provided a way for these precious rocks to spring to the earth surface. Then you simply dig and sift through mounds of dirt and you might find a gem.  I recently read an article by a man who makes his living this way, he sifts through thousands of lbs. of dirt weekly, and he considers it a good month if he finds one gem.  That’s a lot of sifting through crud to get to one diamond!  Yep, that sounds like dating, not much has changed in the 3,000 years since King Lemuel’s mother gave him similar advice. Dirt you can find my son, a virtuous woman though, that’s going take some digging.

Truly the process of creating a virtuous woman is much similar to the one needed to create a gemstone, ideal conditions and lots of pressure exerted on it over a prolonged period of time. I know in my own life my journey of attempting to walk in the way of this virtuous woman has been a long a winding path, and now I am raising four daughters and calling them to the challenge as well. We all spring forth our of our mother’s wombs steeped in original sin, desiring the very things that will destroy our lives and families, and now our depraved natures have been aided by the scourge of feminism and we are pretty much left with mounds of dirt. Sometimes the task of sifting through it all seems like an overwhelming task.

I’d like to talk about what have been the largest challenges in my own gemstone becoming process and the unfortunate struggles my own daughters seem to face.  My largest challenge is contentment! Hands down, don’t have to ask me twice, no need to think it over; my “thorn in the side” is not being content. How odd is that? I doubt a diamond sets around think, “oh poor me, here I am in the dirt, under appreciated, my dreams never realized, blah blah blah” No!  It’s just sitting there, doing its thing, take it or leave it in the dirt, it couldn’t care less. Not women though, we need validation, “me” time, titles, paychecks, all sort of man-made credentials. Usually these pursuits led use directly away from our God given mandate as women. Our feminist world says “You go girl!” God says stay and be still, keep yourself at home. Our world says “I am woman hear me roar! I can do any job a man can!” God’s word says Eve’s curse that she shares with her daughters will be to desire her husband’s life and position.  We are born filthy rags and then we reject the process God’s had ordained for us to walk through to become diamonds! We have the opportunity to be shining examples of God’s glory, and instead we insist on the dirt, and we will never find contentment this way.

So what pressures to we need to conform unto the beauty God has for us? What are our ideal conditions? I think each of us have different challenges, but there are some woman-wide. I believe contentment is one. One of the best decisions we ever made as parents was to out-law Barbie in the Via house, no career dolls in immodest clothing, flaunting their perfect bodies, driving their perfect convertibles, and living in their three story dream houses with elevators. That’s not reality folks; give your daughter a baby doll and a play kitchen. Teach her to find joy in the ordinary and precious tasks of life! Don’t breed discontentment, it will find her on its own, but dear parent don’t aide the enemy by esteeming ideals in movies, toys, and books, that can never be attained in real life.  Secondly we need to redefine beauty, what does God call beauty? Sacrifice, gentleness, patience, kindness, hard work, joy, care for others, even servants! The list of virtues God extols for the Virtuous woman goes on and on! In jockeying for man’s position we have been robbed of the beauty of feminine life and it’s benefits. Children teach patience, like nothing else on this earth, the raising of children will teach sacrifice and patience. Devoting yourself to the love and care of your family and home is the very essence of kindness and its hard work. Having the time to love the elderly or needy around you because you’re not consumed by your own “dreams” will not only be a blessing to your own life, but God says it’s the same as doing a service for Him.

As daughters of God we need to wake up and throw of the shackles of feminism. The business that seems of consume our lives. We have this program the kids must do, this store we must shop, this bible study we must attend. Keep at home, love your children, love your husband, be hospitable. That's ALL, A-L-L, God has asked of us, the reason we are stressed is because we are living contrary to the way of our designer. The slavery of living in our own sinful desires instead of following God’s process for us has cursed us to a life as dirt! We can be beautiful precious fixtures in the lives of our husband, families, churches, and community, but we can’t do it our own way. You can fool with dirt all you want, you can make mud and various other things, but unless a seed is introduced to it nothing of use will grow, until pressure is exerted on it the composition will not change. Dirt or diamond dear sister, which one will you be?  

Growing Family...Growing in Faith

We're pregnant! There really are no words to describe the elation and excitement of peeing on a stick (or four) and seeing two pink lines appear! It's Whoo Hoo time, God has blessed and sooner than you will be ready for it, another sweet precious life will be in your arms and filling your heart. Life! However, for many like myself who have dared to have more than the average, it's also the time when you have to endure rude comments from people who may be totally ignorant themselves of the fact that their attitude is stemming from a hate of children and life. The culture of death mentality has rooted itself so deeply in American culture. Abortion, euthanasia, and the ideology that it's "irresponsible to have a large family" are all ideas new to the last century, yet they have permeated our society. I''m used to dealing with a clash of worldviews "out there". You expect the assault from unbelievers. What really shocks and saddens me is the friendly fire in the church.

Many churches don't even want to be bothered by children, so we invent program after program to dice up the family and have children in their place and adults in theirs. Often times there is a devaluation of the family unit as well, I personally know of  two couples who choose not to have children in order to devote more time to ministry work. I'm tempted to blame this all on the abortion/birth control mentality that has invaded our churches, and make no mistake dear reader abortion and birth control are two sides of the same coin. Of all the families I know, there is only one that was told to stop having children by a doctor who had a legitimate reason to fear for the life of the wife if she continued to have children. That means that birth control by and large is a "convenience", just like abortion. Yet, like I said, that's not our problem.

Our problem is that we have an over-inflated view of man and a grossly under-inflated view of God. Man at is best is a redeemed sinner and should live his life in obedience to a Sovereign God. A misunderstanding of the greatness of God's Sovereignty and His rightful control over every aspect of our lives is our problem. I don't believe we can completely grasp the concept of the vastness of God's authority, but if we can comprehend just a glimmer of this doctrine it changes everything. There is no part of your life you would attempt to withhold from the Lord, we submit ourselves mind, soul, and BODY. His truths trump our convenience, His commands override our "common sense", and "His will be done to His glory" should be the mantra of the truly born again. In that light I'd like to pose a rebuttal to some of the most common questions I receive as a mother of seven.  and one precious baby bean, bear in mind these are questions from people in the church. I'll spare you the "out there" comments.

Question 1 - Don't you think God expects us to use wisdom? Use the good sense He gave you?

Let's look at this biblically, numerous times we are told in Scripture to seek wisdom, pursue it, and Christ sent the disciples out two by two with the admonition that they were to be "as cunning as serpents and as innocent as doves" in Matthew 10:16. However, nowhere in Scripture do I see  a command to rely on our own wisdom and direction. I see very clear instructions to do otherwise, not trust our hearts (Jeremiah 17:9) and that we are not to lean on our own understanding (Proverbs 3:5). So the answer would be, No, I do not think God wants us to live by our own "common sense".

Question 2 - Do you know what causes that?

Yes, as a matter of fact I do, the Lord opens and closes the womb.A cursory read of the First Testament will tell you the stories of Eve, Hannah, and Rachel, all women whose stories bear testament of the fact that it is the rightful place of God alone to open and close the womb.

Question 3 -  Don't you think you could do more with your life and ministry if you weren't so tied down with children?

I call this the pre-resurrection Peter/Or get thee behind me Satan argument. Peter takes a lot of flack for having a big mouth, but the man had passion, his problem was that he had already concocted a plan in his own mind for Jesus' life on earth, and without the Holy Spirit he just couldn't handle the detours. Yet again,  if we believe in the Sovereignty of God and the perfectness of His will, we don't need to manage the situation for Him. How ridiculous a prayer would this be, "oh Lord I will always serve you, it's good that I'm here to worship you, I would die for you Lord-even if all other forsake you,  but don't you think it would be better if it all played out the way I have pre-conceived in my mind?" We may not dare to pray like that, but many, many, many people live like that. My answer would be this, I believe God has a plan for my life, and He does a much better job than I would with the controls. We must also bear in mind that our feminist culture has twisted the way our society views motherhood. The idea of 20-30 years of motherhood doesn't seem as precious to us and it should, yet that is the primary ministry of a daughter of God.

Question 4 - What about your health?

Usually this is the last question I am asked, perhaps I should be offended at the lack of concern. Frankly, I think this falls into the "lean not on your own understanding" passage mentioned in earlier. Also, as I said earlier, I  know of only one woman who was told absolutely not to have another child and she chose not too, that's a rarity. Only a small percentage of couples have sought out the medical advice of "a multitude of counselors" and were told that to honor the life of the woman she shouldn't have another child. For the vast majority of women, pregnancy is not a life threatening situation, and in actuality there is a growing body of research emerging that shows the hormones of pregnancy and nursing can lower a woman risk of many cancers and other ailments. Our bodies were designed to birth and nurture children, and I believe God gives us strength and grace to do His will and work. For women of God we understand the largest portion of that work during our childbearing years is the nurture and care of children.

Lastly, we have to remember we see things through the cultural filter in which we live, and rarely does this view of life serve us well. When our opinions run contradictory to the Word of God we must change. God's word is clear that children are a heritage and blessing from Him. To argue against the Word of God in favor of our opinions or ideas is pride, and a prime example of having an over-inflated view of ourselves and an under-inflated view of a Sovereign God. And that dear reader is our problem, in not just this area, but many areas afflicting the church.

So you think you want to homeschool?

It seems like yesterday I was speaking with mothers (whose age I have now reached) and asking them how to take on this task of homeschooling. I felt completely unprepared, unqualified, and incapable of educating my children. However one wise woman told me that my lack of confidence was a good thing, perhaps the greatest thing I had going for me. You see as long as I felt unable, then I would trust in God to get the job done, I'd pray more for the Lord's wisdom because I would be terrified to trust my own. Thus began my homeschooling journey.

Now that I have a teen, tween, toddler, babies, and a few in between, I realize that I have probably learned more along this journey than my children. I have learned that my Heavenly Father is a much more gracious and patient parent than I am, and that my children are much more intelligent than me. I have learned that it's never the academics of homeschooling that makes you want to cash out and enroll them in school, it's the laundry. Finally I've learned that you have to be mom first and foremost and that teacher is a hat you put on. If you try to take the home out of homeschool by taking an institutionalized approach to your children you will crash and burn, and it won't be pretty. Here's a few tips to get you started:

First, identify your goals. The is one of those answers based on the honor system, what are you true goals for homeschooling? Do you want to homeschool so that your children can score higher than all the public school students on the tests? If so, I advise against homeschooling, you see homeschooling students do score higher due to the individualized, loving, one on one education they receive, but if that's your goal, it's idolatry. Trust me on this one, if you make your children your idol and homeschool your act of worship you will cause them to crumble under the pressure. Perhaps your like me and started homeschooling because you can't afford christian school, reluctant homeschooling is mediocre homeschooling. I wish I could rewind the clock and have those first few years back and give those precious children my all, but I can't. But I can share with you my goals for homeschooling. Several years ago I scribbled them down on a scrap of paper and stuck it in my bible, it reads: "That my children would come to a saving knowledge of Christ at the earliest opportunity, that they would learn to read, understand, and apply to Word of God to their lives, and that they would learn to conform unto His image, not mine or the worlds'". Those are my goals, and I schedule my days around those goals, and not standardized tests."

Secondly bit of advice, if you were trained as an educator, that puts you at a disadvantage not an advantage. Before you get angry, let me tell you that I am a music teacher, I was trained to teach based on the typical industry school model. That model won't fly in homeschooling, you can be a mom who happens to teach your children amid the ebb and flow of running a household, or you can be a headmistress of your own academy that "provokes your children to wrath!" (Ephesians 6: 4). Understanding this principle will save you and your children enormous heartache and it will affect your curriculum choices also. If you are mothering a large family you probably already realize that you need some subjects to be taught in a broader "one room school house" type format, unless you have worked out an arrangement with God to have more hours in your day than is in mine!

Thirdly, don't get hung up on the curricula! Curriculum in important, vastly, gravely, and essentially important. However I have heard many people say they can't "afford" to homeschool. You can, as a matter of fact go to google books and you can download pdfs of McGuffey Electric Readers, there are six readers in all and each are available on google free ebooks.  A Primary Arithmetic as well as Intellectual Arithmetic, and several others. Harvey's Grammar and Composition, Eclectic Science Series (three in all) and impressive Nature Book, Parables on Nature, A Manual for History and Geography, and even Latin Primers! Check out my blog on Penmanship using the Shorter Catechism also. It may not be new and exciting, but you could for the price of a few reams of paper and some ink, homeschool your children through sixth grade using free books! In case your wondering about the validity of these curriculum's, realize that they stop at sixth grade because the average sixth grader in the late 1800's early 1900's was better educated than today's public school senior! Add a library card and a few great websites with freebies like Donna Young's,  and Charlotte Mason's Book of Centuries to shore up your history study. Spice things up with a some great science experiments from sites like The Science of Cooking, and hooray! You have a few years on your planner without much money at all.

A few weeks ago someone asked me if I could only have five things to homeshool with what would I choose. Amazing in only took me about 30 seconds to decide what I would consider the essentials. An Inductive Study Bible with Maps, The McGuffey Reader Set, Harvey's Grammar and Composition, Practical Arithmetic, and Noah Websters 1828 Edition dictionary, which isn't your average dictionary you could teach Latin and Greek roots from this as well as several lessons in morality. If I could squeeze Mystery of History into my overhead luggage I would do so in a heartbeat.  While I am blessed to have some resources at my disposal to purchase other curriculum I believe that with the Lord's blessing you can homeschool for almost nothing.

That last sentence is the clincher, with the Lord's blessing, that's the crux of it all. The Lord is the Father of all wisdom and He gives it liberally to all who seek it, James 1:5. If done to the glory of God, for the fulfillment of His commands to train our children day and night, as we walk through our lives (Deuteronomy 6:7 and 11:19), God will bless our efforts and effect His will. Strong homeschools are natural by-products of strong families, and the Lord is the builder and sustainer of both!

Proverbs 31:10

 “A virtuous woman who can find her?
       She is worth far more than rubies”  Proverbs 31:10

Mission Impossible?

            Have you ever noticed that Christians, who have been part of the club for a while, have their own vocabulary? The "virtuous woman” is just such a  phrase, and it has been seared into our quasi social Christian vocabulary. Unfortunately virtuous isn’t exactly the literal translation of the word in the original text. The original word transliterated is “chayil”, it is a masculine noun, which means strength, might, efficiency, wealth, and it even has the connotation of military force.  I was surprised to learn the thought behind the word myself as I researched this topic, but then again who has the nerve to preach such a thing from the pulpit on Mother’s Day?

Regardless of wether or not the concept of such a strong woman makes us uncomfortable is irrelevant the truth is that this is essence of what scripture says. Now I am not suggesting that women should be rough and aggressive, I think the whole of scripture is very clear that is not God’s best for us. I just think it is interesting that even the most genuine of Christian leaders have difficulty reconciling the concept of such a strong and capable female with the gentle qualities that are easier to swallow.

            So, just who was this virtuous woman, this iron woman? Did she really live? Could one human woman really embody all these noble qualities? The honest answer is that no one really knows if this passage is a historical account of one woman’s life or just the best hopes of a mother for her son. Of this we are certain, these verses are the writing’s of King Lemuel and each word was inspired by God Himself. King Lemuel calls this entire chapter the “oracle” or mystery that his mother told him. I beg you take a pause here and read the first half of the chapter of Proverbs 31, it’s quite a challenge in itself. This wise woman encourages her son to defend the needy and the rights of the afflicted, a true call to selflessness.

            Perhaps the original virtuous woman was King Lemuel’s own mother, she was obviously a woman of great wisdom who could sum up in a few verses all her son needed to know in order to rule a kingdom. However I believe the truth of the mystery of the Proverbs 31 woman is that she is an ideal, a goal, something to strive for. Within the attributes of this woman we see the best performances of all the roles we play. She is rooted in faith, her husband’s true helpmate, mother of the year, and in general the holy grail of femininity. If these passages do not allude to an actual woman that existed, should we consider the ability to accomplish all these virtues ourselves to be mission impossible? Yes, we should.

            The nature of humanity, in its sin, is that perfection will always elude us. Our sinful nature is the antithesis of nobility, the hope of Christ is that we are not abandoned to this fate. Jesus Christ has done more for the liberation of women that Sanger and Steinem ever dreamed. Our Lord loving cared for the woman caught in the act of adultery that was thrown down naked in the streets by those who were charged with her spiritual well being. As the spiritual leaders of her day bellowed for her death they seemed to forget that it takes two to tango. Perhaps her lover was among their own number, nevertheless Jesus forgives her and gently tells her to go and sin no more. Could this woman actually go the rest of her life without committing a single sin? Of course she could not. However I believe after staring into the holy eyes of God Himself she spent the remainder of her life trying.

            If it is mission impossible for any one person to live up to the standard of these verses, why write  about it? I write these words and I live every day of my life with the belief that God only asks me to give Him my brokenness, and He is responsible for the outcome. In the 2 Corinthians 13:11 Paul encourages us to “aim for perfection”, these inspired words from a man who laments that he is the chief of sinners. The reality of the Christian life is that we simply cast our meager efforts and prayers towards heaven and God fashions them into something that can be used for His glory. 

            The concept of hard work without a guarantee of instant reward is hard for us to swallow in this day and age, especially Americans. We have become a culture of instant gratification.  The concept of exerting significant effort for the simple sake of obedience seems foreign to us. So without any promise of success why should we try? We should attempt the impossible because we should meet each day with a fresh commitment to walk in the grace and strength of our Lord, and leave the results to Him.

            So, to answer the 3,000 year old question, “who can find a virtuous woman?” I can. I have personally seen her. Her virtue of kindness lives in my mother who spends countless hours a day talking with elderly folk in her church who are lonely and haven’t anyone else to speak with. I have seen her strength in my friend Rebecca who eluded an iron grace and confidence in the Lord while her infant daughter battled cancer.  In my friend Pam, I have seen her stretch out her hand of kindness across two continents to give two orphans a home. Finally I have seen her in my friend Carrie who put aside her personal pain after a miscarriage to encourage me through the final days of a difficult pregnancy. In every tear wiped, meal prepared, prayer offered up, every lullaby sung, and every child welcomed home, she shines. Oh, yes, without a shadow of a doubt I have seen her!

She is not some fictional character that we should deem unattainable; she is a watermark for all women to strive for. Her worth is more valuable than jewels. Frankly jewels are just rocks that are slightly prettier than the other rocks, if you think about it. However God in His infinite wisdom created common rock aesthetically unappealing but the rare ones are the highly desired jewels. Gemstones are nothing more than the prom queens of the quarry, but we pay more for them than gravel because we have assigned them more worth. God has assigned the worth of these virtues clearly given in Proverbs 31 as more valuable than our human standard of riches, and I believe we should strive for this perfection.

The verses that open the chapter of scripture found in Proverbs 31, begins as a loving admonition from a mother to her son, and they remain so even to this day. I am training my sons to seek out such women, despite the fact that currently some of my boys think girls have cooties. I am raising my girls to walk in her steps. Every day I am aiming for these virtues of perfection and when I fail, I praise the God of grace that He catches me in His mercy. The Scriptures compare the Christian life to a yoke, a race, a war, and I think somehow we’ve missed the picture despite numerous illustrations. The American church has sanitized the gospel in order to make it more comfortable for us. We attempt to make God’s directives to us simple and appealing. The reality is that the Christian life is hard work, it’s physically, mentally, and spiritually challenging, and we are commanded to rise to the occasion.

I will never be perfection on this earth, but I will strive for it nonetheless. I must not use the loftiness of the goal to deter me from trying to reach it. A difficult challenge drives the ambitious and serves as an excuse for the lazy. One of my favorite quotes is from Thomas Edison, he said "Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work."

 I want you to imagine yourself ten years from now looking back over your life, don’t you want to be able to say that you resigned each one of those days, every 3,652 of them to God’s will. I want to be able to say I lived every day to its fullest and cast off the fear of failure. I am not sure how many days I have left in this life, but God has numbered my days and ordained each one of them. When the days of my life are spent, it is my prayer that I can say as Paul did:

“I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith” 2 Timothy 4: 7

So are you ready to work? At the end of each blog in the proverbs 31 project series, you will find a section like the following one. It will give you practical ways to apply the ideas of this chapter.

Read It: 

Read the following passages and pray that God would give you the courage to live them out.

1 Corinthians 9:24 – “Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize”.

2 Timothy 4:7 – “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.”

Hebrews 12:1-3 – “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great    cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.”

Colossians 1:10 -  “That you may walk worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing Him, being fruitful in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God;”

Work It:

Pray that God will open your eyes and allow you to see the women around you who are living out God’s purpose. Pray that God will send someone to walk beside you in this challenge and to mentor you.

Ask God to show you some way to glorify Him today. Imagine yourself reporting in at the end of the day, signing off on the work done. You can wash a dish out of drudgery, or out of worship. The issue is a matter of the heart.

Lastly, sincerely pray that God would show you the “weight” in your life, the wastes of your time and energy that keep you from giving God and your family all of yourself. This is a hard prayer to if done so in earnest, but as heart wrenching as the process may be, sanctification is not optional in the life of a believer.

The Body and the Bride

The church is an amazing entity, in it's uniqueness, it's value, and it's obligations. It's a worldwide organization that shouldn't seek to make a dime, that's singular purpose to work tirelessly for a goal that won't even be realized on this earth. The scriptures describe the church as the bride of Christ, a  picture of this divine romance between the Creator and the created. The church is also described as a family, as brethern, and here folks is where it get messy. All families have their moments, the days when our sanity hangs by a thread, contrasted by the times when were are so enamoured with each other that we would overlook all wrongs.

Ray and I have been blessed to be part of some great churches as we have been transferred all around the U.S., I have to say we have probably experienced the cream of the crop for the most part, especially in recent years. However we have still had our moments of disillusion with the family. There is an old saying "if you find a perfect church, don't join it, you'll ruin it" and that is so true. Much like the fact that even the best marriages are made of two depraved sinners attempting to live together to the glory of God, the church is comprised of many families from different backgrounds and convictions. In this line of thinking every Sunday is more like an extended family reunion, with all the relatives gathering at a potluck buffet, no wonder it can get stressful.

There are also cultural issues, especially in the American church, so much of what we call "traditional" in the American church are really unbiblical innovations that have only been around for less than a century. So what do we do? Do we continue to splinter off into our own groups, based on our comfort and sometimes our convictions? Are house churches the answer? Many of the problems facing the modern church never existed in scripture, it's hard to find time to squabble over ideology and social posturing when your brethren are being martyred all around you. Maybe that's our issue, we don't understand the severity of the christian life, the sacredness of our duty.

The second problem is the human condition, we tend to surround ourselves with people who makes us feel good, not necessarily what's good for us. For those who suffered through "normal" high school remember cliques? Well unfortunately the same ideology has invaded the church, we have bible studies by age segregation, by occupation, and so forth. Why should I participate in a bible study for homeschooling moms? If all the ladies of the church were part of one study, perhaps some might be encouraged that they could take on that challenge. I might also develop more compassion for moms who are single and have to work outside the home.What good comes of these divisions?  If we live and work as a whole unit we understand each other's weaknesses and strengths, we are able to love one another in unity and encourage each other toward godliness. Would my son not learn more about what it means to be a man by being his father's disciple and spending time with the men of the church? If my son is surrounded by godly men he sees godly manhood modeled around him. In even the best youth groups a young man sees immature youths still trying to grow themselves, not mature examples of believers. Age segregation and occupational groupings, in my opinion are some of the greatest tools of division and destruction in the modern church.

The American church has sliced and diced itself into all these sub-units that make us feel comfortable, and because of the prevalence of segregation in the school system we have come to know over the last 100 years, we have come to accept it in the church. Separating into groups makes life easy, and just like high school, it provides us with the cool crowd. We have the jocks, we just call them by a different name, we have the pretty girls, the wallflowers, the nerds, and so on. The reason we have these problems is because we are no longer viewing the church as a family, we have institutionalized the bride of Christ. So when trouble comes, we have an attitude of "privatizing" or we'll just find another church! The same thought process pervades our homes, my marriage isn't serving my needs, so I'll just find another wife! This ideology of "jumping ship" is nowhere in scripture, the bible tell us to learn, to train, to forgive, to disciple, to persevere. If our children are acting unbiblically do we trade them in? No we circle the wagons, look at the situation, and say this child needs training. Sometimes in my family an older child will encourage a younger child to be diligent or obedient, and as a parent this makes my heart warm, that is exactly how brethren should act. Other times my older child will jump in the muck of sin and whack that younger sibling, and that's how the church acts sometimes too. Only by the church working together has a family unit can it even identify the challenges it faces and overcome them, just like a family. The church should act like a family, but it doesn't take the place of the family, but that's another post altogether.

I have had my moments of severe disillusionment with the church, but I am the bride, I am part of the problem and if I submit myself to the Lord I can be part of the solution. I'm not talking about the "machine" that we have come to know as church, constantly churning out entertainment to satisfy our carnal wants. I'm talking about the true bride, who is fervently and passionately in love with the Savior. We are one body, there's no getting out of this, we cannot severe a human body in half and hope to survive, and we cannot severe the church into messy bits and hope to thrive. We have a choice, we can be the whiny child that fusses for their way or we can be part of the solution. We can be the ear that listens, the heart that cares, the eyes that weep for the body, and most important the knees that ache from hours in prayer for our church. As Americans we have a hard time with commitment, we can return just about anything or get out of almost any obligation. However the church of scripture is an eternal membership, if you don't like the product ask God to show you your part in improving it. I don't know about you, but I'm in this for the long haul...

A Lost Nobility

It was a bizarre introduction; several years ago a gentleman from my church was introducing me to a new family and suddenly realized he didn’t actually know my name, so he jokingly said this is Mrs. Ray. You see, I am a pianist, and as such I have spent the majority of my adult years at the keys before, during, and after a church service.  Often people talk to my husband and he points in my direction at the piano and tells them I am his wife, when people finally get around to staying more than five minutes after service and meet me post-prelude they think of me as Mrs. Ray. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

My greatest sense of accomplishment comes from being Mrs. Ray. I enjoy being aligned with this man, playing for his team so to speak. Unfortunately, I haven’t always felt this way. When I was young, both physically and spiritually, I wanted my own name, my own entity. I wasn’t satisfied being the wife of a good man, oh no, I wanted recognition for being me and for whatever talents I perceived I possessed. I hadn’t been taught by my family or church that the whole “they two shall become one flesh” wasn’t poetic metaphor, that the Lord intended it to be taken literally. So for years I tried to severe my identity from my husband’s and in doing so damaged our marriage and my own relationship with God.  Then like the pinnacle of all the beautiful stories of my life, God intervened, bringing people into my life to show me the path I needed to be on.  They began to teach me about the nobility of being a wife, it's a lost art in our post-modern, post-christian society, but if we are to thrive as people of God we will have to learn this lost nobility.

It’s all in who you know,  this cliché’ may be modern but the principle is ancient. If you study the ancient world at all you will see Family Dynasties ruling China, Celtic Clans with ruling Chieftains’ passing succession down by paternity, the ever so popular fairy tale of Camelot, begins with a secret son born of the King’s blood that takes the throne and unites the Britons. Family is everything, in every society, in every age, to return to the vernacular, families rule! Strong patriarchs, raising strong sons in succession make nations strong, but as every chess player knows, if you compromise the queen the game is over. That’s what we are seeing in our current culture, we are compromising the queen, stealing her value and nobility.

In ages past to be the wife of a good man, was a title of honor, a woman’s first name was rarely used in polite society by a gentleman who wasn’t a close relation. A woman was addressed by her standing in society, and she was standing next to her husband.  I can guarantee that some of you are already typing scathing responses in your mind about how I must devalue women and so forth, but take a deep breath and read on. Anytime there is a fundamental shift in a social paradigm, we have to ask ourselves three questions:

What was changed? Who changed it? What was their motive for change?

The change is obvious, women want independence, control, they want to be in charge, this desire is nothing new. Take a cursory look at Genesis, and you will see God telling Eve that as a result of the fall “her desire will be for her husband (more accurately translated for her husband’s position), but he will rule over her”, sounds like a curse alright. Take two newly minted sinners, place them in a romantic environment and tell them that their very natures are going to make them desire to rip each other’s heads off. That explains a lot, it certainly clarifies the motives of the feminist, she doesn’t want to be ruled over, she wants her husband’s position. It’s human nature to desire what we cannot have, our sin drives us to covetousness, and we women think autonomy is the holy grail of guilty pleasures, it’s innate and inescapable in our unredeemed form . This desire has been present for all human history, look at the story of the Egyptian Pharaoh Hatsheput; she was a female ruler over Egypt. She desired power and position above all else, this led her to concoct an outrageous tale about her divinity, then she dropped all titles related to being female, subsequently assuming the title of Pharaoh, eventually she even wore a fake beard! This lady was invested in her ideology to say the least.

The feminists have done the same, step by step, they have concocted an outrageous lie, then systematically stripped away what it meant to be female, and assumed male leadership. My question is where did this leave the queen? You may say she’s on the throne, autonomous, and doing fine! Perhaps if the curse of desire for her husband’s position was her only longing she would be fulfilled, or if our lives were just this brief vapor on earth and there was not eternity or account to be given, but neither of these are reality. You see inside every little girl thrives the dream of a fairytale, Prince Charming, true love, the Castle, the whole nine yards. Women may have found power, but they stand alone. They stand without the joy of their daughters, the strength of their sons, the love and protection of their husbands, and most importantly without salvation from their God. The queen, my friend, has been compromised and the consequences are dire.

Unless…this is one of my favorite words in all of the English language, unless we return to the teachings of scripture and the idea of a wife of character being the personification of nobility. Unless we throw ourselves on the mercy of the Savior and He renews our minds to understand His paths. Unless we teach our daughters to war with their natures and embrace the nobility of being feminine and designed by God to be woman, the queen will continue to be compromised. There is great and precious value in being the wife of a good man and in fulfilling that role throughout our days. I know that sounds archaic to our modern ears that barely rise above the drowning tide of feminist’ witches brew that has been steeping for decades in our culture, but personally I think it about time for a modern day fairy tale.

Over the next several weeks I will endeavor to crawl verse by verse through the well known passage in Proverbs 31. I will attempt to glean from the scriptures what it means to take on this noble role. If you would like to take this journey with me stick around as we wind through this section of scripture. It is a passage ripe with sacrifice, joy, love and a heroine that helps secure her husband’s place and family’s security, sounds like an epic adventure to me. A virtuous woman, amid the ashes of our burning sinful natures…can you find her?